Anxiety is a normal emotion that everyone has experienced. Some people feel anxious or nervous when faced with a difficult situation at work, school, or when making important decisions. However, for a person that has an anxiety disorder, this feeling is amplified and can occur at any time- even without triggers.
When I was younger, I noticed family members battling their anxiety and was always warned that it was a genetic disorder… At the age of twelve, I was clinically diagnosed with a social anxiety disorder along with a panic disorder– and that is when my battle began.
Worry and fear became my closest companions, and there seemed to be no escape. Normal everyday life became increasingly difficult.
As I continued to grow up, I faced the average problems every teenager faces– stress, peer pressure, and trying to adapt to a new body, but along with these, I faced anxiety on a daily basis.
Doctors were constantly trying new medications which did not seem to help; if anything they made me feel even crazier than just experiencing the panic attacks. The side effects of the drugs were crippling– just like the disorder itself.
No one case of an anxiety disorder will be exactly the same as another as body chemistries differ; however, in my experience, some symptoms include intense fear, thoughts of death, breathing troubles, chest pain and dizziness. When I was younger, I had a terrible time dealing with a panic attack, but with age, I managed to hide them to avoid the attention and judgement of my peers.
The absolute worst part of this disorder is the stigma that accompanies it. Everyone who has never suffered through it looks at you with sad eyes but judges you for not being able to control your fears.
Anxiety is crippling– it gets in the way of living a normal life… I cannot go out with friends or be in large crowds without my body trying to tear itself apart, and what’s even worse is the fact that I could be doing absolutely nothing– lying in bed, doing laundry, or just watching T.V. and a panic attack could strike, rendering me a blubbering mess. Anything, and yet nothing, can trigger them.
Living with a constant fear of your body is no way to live– I am nearly sixteen years old now… almost four years have gone by since my diagnosis, and there still has not been any relief– no medicine has worked and counseling only leads to more stress.
This disorder is something I must battle every day for the rest of my life– getting out of bed becomes a chore and talking to strangers a nightmare. It is something I fight alone– and it will continue to be so. When you begin to lose yourself to a disorder, you realize who is there for you and who never was.