“I don’t know what it’s like to be you. And I don’t know what you have to go through. But I can try to see the world through your eyes, put myself in your shoes… and empathize.” –Empathy by Brett Dennen
These poignant words are from a catchy children’s song about empathy, though I think this song should appeal to more than just children. Empathy is an essential skill that too many of us lack.
But wait, what is empathy? Dictionary.com defines empathy as “the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.” But who can understand that muddled definition? Wikipedia puts it much more simply: “Empathy is the capacity to recognize and share feelings that are being experienced by another.”
Surely you’ve had one of those days: Everything goes wrong and the morning and you show up to school in a terrible mood. Maybe you argued with your best friend or forgot to do your Spanish project. Regardless of the circumstances, it’s not a good day. You show up to school, and people ask you how you are. You respond with bitterness, and they walk away angry.
It’s so easy to expect everyone to care about our daily woes and try to offer support or advice. But how easy is it for us to do the same back? When was the last time that someone was rude to you, and you just became bitter and resentful toward that person? Instead, we should try to empathize with him or her. You have no idea why this person treated you this way. Perhaps your friend had a bad day, and is subconsciously taking it out on you. Without empathy, though, we can never know this; thus we will continue to ruin all of our good relationships with anger and misconceptions.
“Everybody’s got a different point of view, how would I feel if I were you?”
We’ve all heard the phrase, “put yourself in their shoes,” which is referenced in this line. Surely we’ve all tried it, with varying results. But have you truly put yourself in someone’s shoes? It’s not as simple as saying, “Oh yeah, I guess if my cat died I’d be in a bad mood too.” While that’s a good start, true empathy entails more than that. Mentally picture yourself seeing the world from this person’s physical point of view. See what he or she is seeing. Try to understand through this why an individual acts the way that he or she does. Did the student in front of you just get a bad test back? See the situation from that perspective. Remember a time when that happened to you. Understand those feelings so you can respond appropriately.
The next time that you have a bad day, you will surely want people to empathize with you. But why should they if you yourself have never used this valuable skill? See the world from various points of view and grow together as people through empathy.
“With empathy we can understand, we can solve our problems and make amends.”